The ABCs of Life

the little boy has grown …

so much!

Sometimes, I just can’t believe my eyes and ears: the way he acts and talks it’s like he’s left the tiny, cuddle-only babyhood for a long time! Now he’s learning to call people’s names, especially kakak-kakak’s: the frequent visitors to our little house.

He has so many expressions now: laughter, smiles, frowning and even cries like he never did before! He’s a bit too dramatic sometimes, pulling his little face to show ummi and abi “I’m sad”! That’s usually when ummi gives him a “time-out”: out of the sight when he did something really wrong, e.g stay in the kitchen or outside the bedroom - just like the “naughty step” thing in parenting OR ummi leaves him with his intolerable behaviour, no more games, no more talking and ummi will go to bed. We’ll get him after some time, ask him to give a handshake or actually salam, a hug and a kiss to say sorry. He usually stops crying immediately and we’ll pick him up with a hug and kiss in return… the funny thing IS, if he’s out of the door, he’ll come knocking and crying but still says “Akum” - assalamu’alaikum in his language asking us to open it … oh, anak ummi! cepat cair hati ummi macam ni :(.

I don’t believe that hurting him with too many loud and harsh words will help, and just forget about spanking! Though these days, I think I’ve been a bit too emotional - I’m in my last stage of pregnancy - I felt so bad having to feel angry when he does things wrongly. May Allah grant me patience to cope, poor fella, he’s just a kid that’s learning to know the world …

He’s usually funny and really loves joining others’ conversation, especially when people burst into laughter, he’ll cry “hahaha” though he doesn’t understand why. He knows how to make a fake “crying” sound now, just for fun … and he loves babies so much, he’ll tell you there’s a baby in sight whenever he came across one, in books, the tele or those he met at home and outside. He’s always calling “adik”,patting his hands on the tummy and sometimes lovingly leaning his cheek and head on it with a kiss “muahsss…”! Some people say that’s his best and special skill: hugs with a long “muah” kissing sound

He’s copying, immitating nearly everything! He’s good at house chores or shall I say better these days as he has developed such “interest” far earlier. He’ll help ummi to sort clothes and load the washing machine. He’ll also help to take out the clothes and get them hanged, and spin the inner part of the machine (like ummi always does) before closing the door to make sure every single thing has come out :). Whenever he finds something on the floor that shouldn’t be there or if something dropped, he’ll say “Allah” and pick it up. He’s very kind and keen at helping out anytime; unless he has something more interesting to do :). He’ll get things for you whenever you asked for them or whenever you mentioned so. He even tried helping ummi up/out of the bed when ummi’s backache troubles her to do so :). And now he knows to complete the prayer, he can do ruku’, sujud and the sittings between, pointing out the finger for tahiyyah and also the ending salams; though he might not do everything in every solat of his!

He’s good with technology! Give him a computer, a PDA … anything? He’ll delete some files, turned on some music and even get his voice recorded in them! He’s so observant and he’s absorbing everything, just like a sponge! As you know, he loves music and lately whenever abi and ummi sing along (or talk to others sometimes), he’ll give that “silence, please” sign - finger on lips - with a shhh!

His always observant and absorbing sponge-like mind has given so many surprises. He might not copy things or pronounce words immediately after you teach him, but he’ll popped them out later when you least expect it! Just like a few nights ago when he mentioned “kakak Aziya” (for Azila) a few times before bed! He knows and remembers where you keep things and what’s missing from a puzzle or the shape sorter.

He has discovered what’s beyond his diapers and he’s showing some readiness for potty training. He knows how to tell you when he’ll poo but rarely mention if he needs a wee. Watch out if he’s squatting undressed (usually after a good wash)! The last time ummi and abi didn’t pay attention to that, he left some “gifts” in front of the bathroom and on the bed! Erk … He’ll try to put on/off his own clothes, and brush his own teeth but he doesn’t really like brushing them much. He’s about to complete his first sets of teeth soon inshaAllah.

He loves to read! He wakes up and goes to sleep with books; err and some biscuits and water too! Is it ok to let him have snacks before bedtime? Now he can read Postman Pat’s Big Book of Words showing the blender, kettle, washing machine, toaster etc. whenever you mention them … he knows the black cat from Hansel and Grettel and the teapot from Beauty and the Beast … I’m trying to find him a new set of Sirah/Islamic animated book so that he can learn from them as well. Have just taught him alif, ba and ta. He’ll reach the whiteboard, pointing the letter “ba” and pronouncing it everytime we sit in the lounge; ummi’s teaching area :). Seems like “ba” is more popular than the other two eh?

Is there a child in the UK that knows nothing about Bob the Builder? Even Joode is a big fan of him! That’s my lil nephew in Malaysia. We don’t have Sky at home but since we bought him a pair of wellies with Bob on them, and a big activity book with Bob and team, plus kakak-kakak showing Bob’s series on YouTube, he has turn into another fan, no doubt! He’ll ask for Bob - that’s the book or the newly bought (by kak Mai) 15-piece Jigsaw puzzle. I think kids just love Bob on his big machines, just like Handzalah love his Dig, Dig, Digging book that’s filled with diggers, tractors and rubbish trucks.

Hmm … in a month plus-time, this little boy will have a baby bro/sis (surprise, surprise!). I don’t know how it’s going to be then, but I hope Allah we’ll ease this journey of parenthood with granting us guidance, knowledge, strentgh and patience to produce little mujahids and caliphs (the wonderful term from bigSis’ friend) …

last but not least: … and this loving son of mine, knows whenever I feel a bit down. Well he loves giving away cuddles and kisses all the time, but he’ll give a long big hug and kiss … whenever I don’t feel fine. Trying to make ummi cry eh? my little heartthrob!

* read about a 21-months old’s growth here

For those who has been wondering what Handzalah’s up to right now - erm he’s still in deep sleep (its 8 a.m). He’s very active - day and night - running and jumping around, he’ll say “jump, jump” everytime he plays the jump-jump game :). He calls out ummi (out loud ;)) whenever he needs anything or fell down, he can say “abi” clearly but he’s been calling abi the same way he calls ummi lately (I don’t know why :D) and his favorite words are “ALlah”, “ummi” (truly, he’ll be saying ummi again and again though he doesnt needs me), “ayam” (he likes chicken?), “plum”, and he can pronounce names like “Amir” and “Mayam” - thats Maryam :). Says “nak” when he wants something, “air” when he needs water/a drink and “dah” when he finishes his meal and shows his hands - that means he needs to clean them NOW

He loves listening to music - anasheed from Shoutul Harakah, Shoutul ‘Amal and Harris Shaffix’s Keimanan song. He’ll ask for those, pointing to the laptop and saying “gu” - that’s for lagu. And how do we know he loves those songs? Because he will be asking for repeats and whenever we turn to any other than those he’ll be upset and asking for them again - with more signs than words of course :). Err and he seems to love moving/shaking his body to the beat - ouch ouch :D.

He’s sleeping (alhamdulillah - thats a great blessing!) and eating well after weaning totally off breastmilk a few months ago - thanks to the help of my parents and lil bro Zak - and he now loves drinking from “real” cups rather than the training ones :). He has been able to feed himself with hands or using spoon - we’ve trained him to do so since he was eight or nine months. *To those moms out there - you can help to coordinate their eyes+hands’ movement through this mealtime practice. Find them a booster seat or a highchair and trust them with food in the bowl, hand or fork and spoon (plastic ones). And DONT WORRY TOO MUCH about the mess they’ll make. Your child’s EDUCATION and DEVELOPMENT are MORE IMPORTANT than your house being tip top clean all the time RIGHT? It’s great to feed them with your hands once in a while, but not all the time if we want them to learn these living skills from young. You might find a big, washable plastic bip that covers the body with a bit of shoulders helpful and putting a plastic mat/cover on the floor, under the chair, if it helps to reduce you messy worries :).

He loves to read especially books illustrated with animals and machines (I guess that’s why Bob the Builder is so popular among kids) and he loves helping ummi to clean the house - dengan penyapu dan kain lap - other than his favourite toys - the washing machine (he knows how to load and unload the clothes and pushing the button “on”) and Mr. Hoover a.k.a the vacuum cleaner :).

He prays everytime ummi or abi prays (or anyone else around), saying “ALlah, ALlah” (the L sounds a bit like a W) all the time. Standing and doing the ruku’-sujud mix and the tahiyyah sitting. And the funny part is, he’ll point out the index finger/forefinger from both hands uttering “ALlah, ALlah” again and again (if you don’t - of course we don’t - he’ll find your other forefinger and pull it up, erk!). He has recently discovered giving salam to the right and lately being voluntary to offer prayers holding both hands up and uttering a whisper like prayer (whatever it is) :). He will never let ummi and abi read a book or use the laptop alone without his company - though he’ll “read” the book upside down and simply clicks the mouse or shut the computer down (using the start button).

He’s a bit clingy now, maybe because he knows the little one’s coming and the fear of separation has starting to develop since having his first few - short though - experience in the nursery when ummi and abi attended a parenting motivation seminar recently. And maybe because he misses the days when Atuk, Opah and Uncle Zak were around - he’s always entertained and well looked after mashaAllah - ummi and abi are trying to do the same sayang . He’s teething then and again but he hasn’t filled his jaws yet. ‘Ala kuli haal he’s growing and developing fine alhamdulillah and subhanallah so fast. He’ a real heartthrob, he waves a hi and bye to everyone who passes, EVERYONE and especially guests going out the door. He’ll offer a salam and kiss on the hand when you ask him to do so with a sweet “Muah” and “Bye” at the end. Most of all, he’s simply ummi’s kind little company though sometimes ummi does not know how to keep him entertain and busy when ummi has other chores to complete.

sharing some tips from the parenting motivation seminar - how to develop an Islamic Worldview in your child :
- teach them to 1) LOVE ALLAH
2) LOVE RASULULLAH
3) LOVE AL-QUR’AN

- create an environment that’ll expose them and instil love to these three thing
- educate them about their importance
- ESPECIALLY FOR US WHO LIVES IN THE WEST: always care to explain why we are different (ghuraba’) from the disbelievers, why we don’t or do things … we ourselves should be an exemplary figure that appreciates our culture and way of life not the lifestyle loved and portrayed by the WEST - don’t teach them to be proud of being a British BUT a MUSLIM!

hope we’ll benefit from this great info, simply said but it is indeed another quest or struggle (I’ve been using these words too often?) … ‘ala kulli haal, enjoy parenthood and the blessings of having those beautiful little people friends!

moga anak ummi dan abi jadi anak yang soleh dengan akhlaq terpuji!

when your ‘baby’ goes to school …

reading: “Bicara Kalbu: Baca doa pada ubun-ubun anak nyatakan harapan”

notes:
1) TALK to your children (that includes LISTENING and great patience eh? :)) - know their likes, dislikes, fears etc. - comfort them by talking to them not only when problems occur - create a free and healthy environment for communication in your family

2) ‘Pujuk’/ Consoling skills - don’t leave them in the ‘dark’ (negative feelings )

3) don’t break their TRUST - when you leave them at school (or anywhere), makesure you’ll be back to pick them up on time. our children trust us, don’t waste it by undermining their little hopeful yet very observant hearts

4) DO NOT persuade them to do things (all the time) by buying them sweets or expensive toys - rewarding them for good deeds is encouragement but do not over-reward them >> they might end up misundertanding our intentions and being materialistic - try to make them understand why

5) be firm and consistent on rules and decisions, not only to them BUT TO YOURSELF FIRST - when they cry the minute you leave them at school (which will break your heart for the first few moments), remind yourself that it is for their own good and they’ll get used to it. let them (and ourselves?) cry now rather than later >> when they’re too old to be taught about being independent!

6) give them time to learn and adjust - they need it as much or more than us, and as every child is unique some might need more time than others

7) PRAY FOR THEIR SUCCESS - you’re a MOM, and as Allah has blessed you with one of the greatest role in the world and your prayers are indeed special!

—–

Handzalah took his first few steps last night! He put up a show for his beloved guests :):). Guess he might stand and walk on his own at the same time as he has been attempting to do so these few days … go anak ummi go! We’ll walk to the park together, ’soon’ inshaALlah

*thanks aKo for the article

[tidurlah sayang ...]

good eating habits - sufficient nutrition and quantity - will help develop good sleeping habits too! we’ve been “struggling” to put Handzalah to sleep on normal bedtime routine yet his sleeping disorder has been going on for months … he’s always awake when he sleeps at night yet peacefully sleeps in the morning … and he’ll always want to be fed and sleep in my arms … why?

changing a habit is difficult especially when its tied to another … the Health Visitor said that he didn’t sleep well maybe because he didn’t eat well, and a doc said that sleeping together with him and breastfeeding him to sleep won’t help either … everything’s interrelated …

how bad was the sleeping problem? well, I’ll say enough to make ummi and abi zombies! staying awake all night and sleeping in the morning isn’t my kind of style, not even during my college days- never stayed up to study and qadha’ in the morning, nope not me! night sleep is too precious, it has a different feeling … 8 hours in the morning would not equal a few good hours of night sleep … as Allah has said in the Qur’an (excerpts from Tafsir Ibn Kathir - surah an-Naba’):

i believe that we should dedicate our morning and day for chores and making a living, and our nights should be spent for rest and maybe sunnah prayers (solah, dzikr, reciting the
Qur’an) … and i hope to train my son (the way my mother tried as much as she can to train us) to fulfill his duties in the mornings and the nights accordingly (as Allah ordained the human nature to be / sunnatullah) … so that one day inshaallah, he could realize the meaning of “fursan fin nahaar wa ruhban fil layl” …

he sleeps in the morning at about 8 or 9 a.m (try waking him up at this time and he’ll cry his lungs out without even opening his eyes), and sometimes throughout the afternoon unless we take him out (one tried solution to his sleeping disorder) and he’ll take a nap at about 6 or 7pm to 8 or 9 p.m and stay awake until the wee hours in the morning .. he might have a nap between those hours but a very very very short one! maybe for half an hour or less before he’s awake
again, smiling and sitting on his back “ummi, its playtime again!”

we had a cot back in malaysia but after 6 months he no longer wants to sleep in it … was it already too small? and now we don’t actually have room for one … inshaallah, hopefully in 6 months time, we’ll get a better house when the contract ends …

so the solution that i could figure out after reading some materials about this problem is :
1) feed him well. as much as he wants and as often as he would take, for he consumes very little everytime. mama said i should give him a snack when he’s up in the morning to make sure he’s full and comfortable enough to get back to bed.

2) not feeding him to sleep. if he’s already asleep i’ll get him to the bed ASAP. if he’s already sleepy after a meal or breastfeed, i’ll get him to bed ASAP, pat his back and sang him lullabies to the dreamland or another “nice” solution is to let abi get him to bed. that works! he loves listening to abi’s heartbeat too I guess in other words it is an attempt to change his sleep indicator - milk doesn’t mean sleep - and to develop a particular sleeping environment/routine - the bed, the dark(with a little light though) …

3) let him comfort himself when he’s awake. if he suddenly cries during his sleep/nap, i won’t quickly attend to him, pick him up and feed him - i’ll let him find peace on his own for a
while if he doesn’t really cry hard, but if he cries a bit louder (because of a nightmare etc.) i’ll pat his back, and recite to him Quranic verses or dzikr or sing him lullabies until he sleeps again (abi does this better than i do because the baby won’t get anything more than that from his father :D), unless he’s really up for just a short feed …

4) not to entertain him when he wants to play during bedtime. again, its about environment and routine. sleeping time is sleeping time dearest, ummi will play with you again tomorrow … when he’s bored, he’ll know that’s actually a cue for him to quit playing …

5) keep him active in the day. if he hasn’t sleep at all the night before, you can’t never expect him to last until the afternoon. he’ll sleep to the comforting morning breeze and even if you get him up and wash his face he’ll get back to sleep again with a great fuss. but if ummi and abi takes him out, the environment outside usually is an eye opener to this little one. we’ve tested for a few times, if we bring him out in the day, he’ll be sleeping earlier at night to rise and shine the next morning … but to get him out everyday is a bit impossible especially in this cold weather, we don’t want to take the risk of him getting any cold or fever …

well ideals are usually easier said than done. not everything works everytime. there were occassions that he didn’t sleep much in the day yet he still stay awake during the night. where did he get so much energy from? nevertheless, as dr. stoppard wrote, active-less sleeping children/children with sleeping disorder usually don’t have any health issues yet could be very rewarding as they are sometimes openly affectionate to people … and alhamdulillah, i believe that’s true as I could see it now in Handzalah’s loving character … he’s such a heartthrob!

[my few cents thoughts on parenting ...]

there’s no easy way to perfect parenthood (well there’s none actually - but we can be good at it). it takes a lot of learning and experience, trials and errors, as every child and parent are unique and different.

babies are one of the most wonderful creations of His. we want to love them and nourish them with every care and goodness in this world … unfortunately sometimes we think its love but its actually discouraging our beloved ones to have a well-disciplined life from the beginning. and
sometimes we simply do not know what to do not to hurt them yet teach them what’s right and wrong. to make it more complicated - there’s too many information and resources - from family tradition to health sciences - what you know and what you don’t from both and what is applicable from both also matters … its hard to breastfeed when you didn’t know that it shouldn’t hurt (with correct methods and positioning), and its hard to remove a dummy/pacifier from your baby if its already a family thing from generation to generation (i don’t use it though) … things we’ve got used to might not be the things we should do …

‘ala kulli haal, this is another quest and jihaad for us parents - especially mothers - who received this great responsibility from the Creator, the day we conceived … let that happiness from this great blessing be the source of strength and our motivator to help build another great muslim ummah by producing children in accordance to the guidance derived from the Qur’an and the Sunnah …

last but not least, a hadeeth to ease and comfort our struggling souls through this journey:

Allah Knows Best.

when handzalah goes to town … he’ll fall asleep in the car/bus, on the way to the town and back … he will always sleep on the journey! (just like ummi did - enjoying the ride in peace)

we were in town on Monday, yesterday and today!

not really for the boxing-day-craze, just shopping for goods during the lower-price-season … well, we didn’t join the craze - really! we went a bit late in the afternoon (not too early in the morning waiting for Next’s door to open ;)) and we didn’t buy much as well … we only bought a few things for abuhandzalah “working wardrobe” and Handzalah’s very own booster seat so that he can join us at the dining table and start eating well … he has very little interest in food and still so much tempted to milk (breastfed), so abi and ummi decided to ‘help’ him with a nice booster seat bought from JohnLewis for only 25 pounds (is that cheap? i’m not so sure but it looks better than what Argos offer …) … we didn’t look for any kat carboot, we don’t even know how to get to any!

and today at last, we bought our monthly ration at ASDA and chicken from C&C … and they were the reason why we went to town three consecutive days this week! boleh pulak ASDA tutup and C&C was out of stock for chicken everytime we reached their doors … sabr, sabr

‘ala kulli haal, alhamdulillah we managed to get everything we need … need … maybe thats why we’re not so into the “craze” … we only bought things we NEED, not WANT … alhamdulillah .. its good too have “enough” money not to waste it on things and wants we’ll never have enough of …

back to my baby …

[One for abi, another one for ummi and one for Handzalah ...]

… our cute little baby!

that’s how ummi sings to Handzalah, persuading him to take his meals … (and of course the first few spoons will have to be tasted by ummi first! ;)) … Handzalah takes a long time to finish his meals … and he usually take time not only to chew but even to be carried away with other interests … it takes a lot of patience to wait for him to finish a very small meal … nevertheless, its good enough if he wants to eat, there are times he simply refuses everything! and because he refuses so many things (though we keep on giving him in all sort of varieties), ummi resort back to the old baby food - and found some interesting ones at Boots (a better range than ASDA i think) … from bread sticks, to fruit juices and puree … the first two seems to work fine though it still takes time to finish one stick and half a bottle of juice, but the puree is not challenging enough for babies with teeth I guess … oh ya, mama asked us to try giving him yoghurt (doc said its good for him when he has a fever too) and guess what? we bought it and he lovesss it! alhamdulillah … (*feeding tip from UmmAzzam - little and often - sounds like meal intake during pregnancy?)

when we first started solids for him (about 6-7 months of his age), he used to sit quietly and open his mouth waiting for the spoon to come in, whether he will later pull a face to show dislike or whether he’ll make some “ah” “ah” sounds asking for more - meaning he loves it, but now he will usually turn around, or nod his head or simply take out his two little hands to push the spoon or bowl to the floor when anything feels wrong on his tastebuds or whenever he has enough …
feeding to this “early-learners” is expected to be a messy task, whether you feed them or moreover when you’re teaching them to self-feed …

betul tak kalau dikatakan, malay mothers usually feed their child and rarely do the latter at a very early age? maybe because we’re used to the idea of feeding our children on our laps, on the floor and the concept of high-chairs, booster-seats-and-child-joining-the-dining-table (too long a term :D) is still a bit foreign to our kampung and also town folks … it’s just one of those things we don’t really do/bother of and maybe because such accessories to accompany this kind of training cost a lot/are expensive back home in Malaysia … well, for now, i don’t really think there’s any harm in it - but the good side of this training is that we’ll help our child to coordinate his senses and body parts (hands-eyes) and instill confidence by being self-sufficient and independent … furthermore, time for “food” is very much social time for the family, where everyone sits to enjoy the meal and share their bit of the day with each other …

the first time we went to see the Health Visitor at the university’s clinic, she told us to cut off baby biscuits and simply give him family food (mashed or made chewable to him) - pasta, lasagne etc. - and more protein, to help him gain enough nutrients and sleep restfully … it reminds me of sis Baiti’s lil’ Aufa who loves only what her parents eat, not those “special” homemade meals made exclusively for her! same goes to this young man, he’s tempted with what goes into our mouths rather than the “strange” things he has in his own special bowl … “why must I have these when everyone else isn’t?” … he no longer wants to eat bubur nasi or plain vege-chicken soup eventhough you put all the nicest things in it! the idea actually worked for some time … he lovesssss pasta, shepherd’s pie, mashed potatoes and all those non-spicy western cuisines … it is also a blessing for ummi not having to cook two separate meals daily for the family alhamdulillah, but unfortunately, ummi and abi prefer hot and spicy food because we are malaysians and sometimes the dull-tasting western meals bored us!