Love Q #2: When it comes to love, is it better to follow your head or your heart?
Human beings are perfect creations with great gifts but limited capabilities and that’s what makes us complex and complicated most of the time.
Love is something that belongs to the heart but deciding on love alone with the heart might not be so smart. Love could blind us easily, and it’s actually good when it blinds us from seeing the differences we have that could hinder love from resting between our souls.
But God did not give the great gift of mind and intelligence for nothing. Mind is not only the manager to your body, but it should also be able to manage the heart wisely. As a Muslim, I do always believe that in love, the mind should be able to manage the heart and deal with relationships properly. Just like finding a spouse, it’s true that as love is blind, loving anyone of any colour, religion, age or culture wouldn’t be impossible. But choosing the one who suits you best might take you to consider his/her attitude, whether he/she is mature and responsible and so on. Love should not blind a person till he/she loses the sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. Like a wife to an abusive husband. Some women spend their life in fear and pain, for loving a person who loves them only at heart though exerts his feelings with brutality. Worse, some women allow themselves to be used for irresponsible men’s personal gains and interests yet only receive conditional pleasures or nothing in return. Even in loving your child; your heart might want to give them the world if they want it but a wise parent will always try to balance between giving, when and what to give so that the child will learn that they are loved but would not be spoilt off-limits.
Nevertheless, the heart’s importance should never be lesser. People whom are empathic do makes live better. A contented heart is even a contributing factor to a healthy body and mind. And a strong loving heart is a great motivator to achieve what your head and body could not do with intelligence and health/strength alone. People who donated their living organs (e.g kidney) are people who dared their lives for others. With a loving heart and a brave soul. And out of love they’ve challenged their limited body, denying everyday logic which illustrate the act as highly risky. So does people who leave their homes to fight for their beloved country and charity/voluntary workers who chose to live in great difficulties above their own comfort and safety, living in refugee camps or devastated territories.
I prefer not to choose whether the heart or the head would be the better leader in love. I think both should work hand in hand when it comes to dealing with people - the completely complicated and complex beings. Look at how beautiful love is when feelings are expressed with great creativity putting mind’s role at its best simultaneously. And have some thought about forgiveness and moving on in life. People could hardly give in after being hurt or betrayed but a sound heart and mind will always tell you to forgive, as forgiveness is the way to cure your grieve and heal your feelings, and to take another step ahead bearing no grudge and negative thinking but with cautions and lessons from the past. So love, and love wisely. Be wise, but don’t turn yourself into a heartless robot for doing too much thinking.
I’d like to share some beautiful verses of the Holy Qur’an and excerpts of Hadith (sayings, acts, behaviour of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon Him) about dealing with people and love.
4:1 O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah is Ever an AllWatcher over you.
4:86 When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allah is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things.
49:12 O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.
49:13 O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).
- Allah’s Messenger kissed Al-Hasan ibn `Ali while Al-Aqra` ibn Habis At-Tamim was sitting with him . Al-Aqra` said, “I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.” The Prophet cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” (Al-Bukhari)
- I never saw anyone who was more compassionate towards children than Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). His son Ibrahim was in the care of a wet nurse in the hills around Madinah. He would go there, and we would go with him, and he would enter the house, pick up his son and kiss him, then come back. (Muslim)
- The Prophet said, “(It happens that) I start the prayer intending to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I shorten the prayer because I know that the cries of the child will incite its mother’s passions.” (Al-Bukhari)
You can read another perspective of the Love Qs response at Amidrin’s and Jo-N’s. Psst, this is quite late. Another LoveQ is already up today ;).
